Monday, February 25, 2008

Horribly, Horribly Wrong

WARNING: RANT ALERT! WARNING: RANT ALERT!

You know, sometimes... you gotta say, "What the fuck?"

And in the case of Highlander II, you gotta say, "What the fucking fuck?"

Seriously, I REMAINED.

It's just...uh...wow...yeah...really...freakin' bad....

My mouth hung agape for the first 15 minutes, just out of utter disbelief and confusion. Then I turned to Todd and could only muster, "WHAT?!?!?!?"

We managed to get through about 45 minutes of it (a torture only slightly ameliorated by a group of people who gave it a bootleg MST3K treatment).

I don't even know if I can stand to watch the rest. Seriously, I really don't. It was that bad. In fact...

I'm going to go as far as to say...

that Highlander II has now surpassed Rob Roy as the worst movie I've ever at least partly seen.

If you've seen Highlander or even if you haven't seen it, but know about the premise of Highlander, or even if you're not sure and think you may have overheard part of a conversation that your cousin's boyfriend had about Highlander at some point over a Christmas holiday one year, then I implore you: DO NOT SEE HIGHLANDER II. I don't even want to italicize it; it somehow confirms that it's a real film. But the grammar freak in me compels me to do so.

Speaking of bad movies, I'd like to take this opportunity to list a few of the less-than-stellar celluloid gems I've seen recently. In no particular order:

The Simpsons Movie: So incredibly unfunny. I don't think I laughed once. I cracked a smile at ONE joke. ONE. C-

Transformers: Supremely dumb. You'd think a movie about gigantic space robots beating the crap out of each other would be awesome. Nope. I'll be honest, I was not a rabid Transformers fan as a kid. I watched the toon a few times. But even my soul died a little when Optimus Prime uttered, "Sorry, my bad" in the movie. C-

Spiderman 3:
How did this happen? HOW?! This is a painfully, squirm-in-your-seat embarrassing 3rd installment to what was looking to be a fantastic franchise. The villains were stupid. "Dark" Spidey was really asinine. Just all around pathetic. D+

Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End:
What is this crap and are you people finally done shoving it down our throats? Admittedly, it was better than Pirates 2: The Black Pearl. However, it was still convoluted and over-the-top. And not in a good way. C


Die Hard 4:
Not great, but not horrible either. Didn't feel like a Die Hard movie. There was something lacking---a grittiness or chaotic feel. I'm just not into cyber crimes and how people execute and solve them. Die Hard needs to be about blowing shit up or the prevention of said blowing shit up, not deleting my social security files. Sheesh. At least we got to see our friend Josh in it for like 2 seconds. C

I would also like to make one request of Hollywood: Please, for the love of CHRIST, stop making movies out of video games. PLEASE. I AM BEGGING YOU. I was on-board for the first Lara Croft: Tomb Raider movie. I kind of liked it. Yeah, I know. Shut up. But since then, the plethora of video game movies has been unending and unendingly BAD.

I need to go fall out for a few minutes....

3 comments:

Marsha said...

I think you got as far into Highlander II as Jan and I did. (And we had the MST3K-ish treatment going, too. Not even that could make this tolerable.)

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