Top Ten Things I Will Never Understand About the Harry Potter Universe

Ok. Don't get me wrong; I fairly enjoyed the Harry Potter series. I hung on my seat while reading certain chapters, wondering what would happen to particular individuals. I was tremendously sad a the untimely passing of Sirius Black. And all of that jazz. But sometimes...I just want to put my fist through the books and call shenanigans!





10. In a world where there appears to be no heaven or hell or any semblance of a religious deity at all, they still celebrate Christmas.

9. Where do all these magical people exist, if not among the "muggles?" I mean I was on board for Diagon Alley appearing out of the randomness of the bricks and the secret train that takes a long, winding journey to Hogwarts. But the Ministry of Magic, which seems to employ about 11 billionty people? The huge-ass Quiddich stadiums that hold what looks like countless quantities of people?

8. There are apparently no child-endangerment laws in the "wizarding world." Wait, forget the wizarding world, in ENGLAND? I find it excruciatingly hard to believe that Harry Potter's life of confinement and servitude "under the stairs" would have gone unchecked for 11 years. Don't even get me started on Dolores Umbridge.

7. Speaking of Harry being emotionally and physically abused by his aunt and uncle (the Dursleys), why on earth would Lily Potter leave her only, infant son --- for whom she sacrificed her own life --- in the hands of her embittered sister and cruel brother-in-law, both of whom she KNEW hated her and her magical existence? I guess living wills also don't exist in the wizard world either.

6. Doesn't Hermione have a freakin' time-turner? Um...can't she take some wizards with her, go back to when Voldemort kills Cedric --- or anyone else for that matter--- and...you know...help stop him?

5. As a corollary to #6: Since there are apparently ways to go back in time to confirm or even alter events of the past, then why is it that no one ever believes Harry when he says that "the Dark Lord has returned?" Every year he exhibits evidence that it's true, either by fighting Voldemort himself, or one of his minions. Yet, with the exception of his closest friends and a few folks at Hogwarts, everyone dismisses him. Isn't he the "boy who lived---" the most celebrated wizard EVER? And now nobody believes him? Right.

4. The Cruciatus Curse is illegal, but Veritaserum is not. So...why do you even HAVE trials of any kind? The whole trial of Harry Potter for using "underage" magic out of school (in Order of the Phoenix) was pointless and dumb. I mean, just give him the flipping serum! "Oh! But wait," you say...! "The serum might be unreliable at times, since some witches & wizards could be resistant to its effects." (That's convenient, huh?) Ok, then what about the Pensieve? Wizards can just use their wands to yank out the memories from their heads and put the silvery, slimy stands into the Pensieve and anyone who dares stick their head in there can see them.

3. Snape. I don't get Snape. At all. Someone really needs to tell him to get a life. Oh, but he's dead now, so nevermind. Yeah, ok, James Potter was a jerk to you. So what? Get over it, dude. Seriously. Don't take out your frustrations on students, particularly the ones who can (and DO) SAVE YOUR ASS on numerous occasions. And that whole story line of him being in love with Lily before she married James was ridiculous, maudlin tripe. He does have some rather funny lines and is amusing in some ways. But I will never understand the cult-like appeal that his character has to the masses of Harry Potter fans.

2. I probably wouldn't call a witch or wizard "stupid" to their face, but anyone who spends their hard-earned Galleons, Sickles and Knuts on the Daily Prophet is a complete moron. How is this the ONLY daily, widespread newspaper that exists besides Luna's and her father's crazy-ass, subversive publication, The Quibbler?

1. Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts. It's painfully obvious to me that wizarding folk need to exist and subsist in the muggle world. How the hell do they pay for things? You don't walk into a bank and say, "I'd like to exchange these 50 Galleons for British Pounds, please!" I suppose it's possible for a wizard to go into a "wizard" bank --- like Gringott's --- and ask for some muggle currency exchange. Fine. But where does Gringott's get the muggle money? The banks are run by goblins, right? So...WTF?

Oh man, ONE MORE THING:
If a wizard dad and a witch mom spawn a PLAIN, OLD, DUMBASS KID, then where does this kid go to school?

In Direct Opposition to Hideous Knitting...

... I give you the cutest bit of amigurumi that I've seen in a long time:

http://taxigirl.deadjournal.com/9402.html

If I had any real talent at all in making little toys and things such as this, this would be on top of the list!

Hideous Knitting 101 --- A Departure

Time for more hideous knitting, kids. This time, I will depart from the standard Hideous Knitting format and instead tackle not just one specific pattern, but a whole genre of knitting (and even crochet): the useless & pointless knitted object that also happens to be hideous. Now, I'm not talking about toys, or knitted animals (which can be used as toys), per se. These objects may very well be "useless" for most, but if you love animals or know someone who would just think a gift of a knitted cupcake is darling (I know I wouldn't mind receiving one), they do have a point and usually aren't hideous, either.

But what I'm talking about this:



Yup. That's what you think it is: knitted poop. In this case, dog poop. This certainly has no use that I can see, so I can't imagine what the point would be.

Because it's funny? Hmm...maybe. But it's not really THAT funny. And it's gross.

And what a terrible waste (haha "waste") of yarn.








How about some human poop?
Here you go! I find it equally amusing and disturbing that people on Ravelry have "favorited" both this pattern and the one above, which are also offered for free if you are interested. And if you are, don't tell me. Because I would have to come hurt you.

Like that she put in on a closed toilet lid for the full effect? Nice.






Here's some more, this time in crochet:
Ah, amigurumi. You know, I normally think amigurumi is as cute as the next person. But don't crochet up some poop and put eyes and a smiley face on it and call it amigurumi.

Poop isn't cute.

Someone should call up the CDC and ask them their opinion on the cuteness of poop.






Ok, ok, lighten up, right? Alright, how about THE ugliest shawl to ever be created by human hands?

I thought about using this all by itself for a Hideous Knitting post. But really, what can I say that would be any more effective at proclaiming its hideousness than just looking at it. A picture is worth 1000 words, right?

This one must be worth 10,000 words, at least, all of them bad.

Somebody Talk Me Down

So I am letting myself get WAY overwhelmed by a great many things: work (both mine and Todd's), health, knitting, money, bills, my crazy-ass house, cats, weird neighbors, etc. I am at the point now where I an starting to lose sleep with worry over such things. Deep down, I know that there really is no sense in allowing things --- over most of which I really have little control --- to get me all wound up. But, I am a human being, and a female, so I worry.

Several of the things on the top of my list go hand-in-hand. And are things over which I DO have control, or at least should. For instance, take knitting and money. Over the last 5 years since I've been a knitter, I have spent God-only-knows-what amount on yarn and other random knitting supplies, not even counting the stuff that I've bought and given away either as a gift or for a swap. I don't think I can even give a half-way accurate stab in the dark as to how much money I've spent. But I do know that it's a lot. Like disturbingly so. Like "what-the-crap-is-wrong-with-you-that-you-shelled-out-that-much-money" a lot. Gotta be in the thousands. Buying things in general is a weakness of mine (I'm particularly weak about yarn and anything on Etsy) and I need to get it under control.

Now.

I'm sure you've seen a few photos here on this blog about my yarn stash. It's big and it keeps getting bigger. There is no way in HELL that I would or could ever use all the yarn in my stash for knitted items within the rest of my entire lifetime. I'm convinced of that, and I'm not even that old.

So why, oh why, do I KEEP BUYING STUFF?!?

Like yesterday, I went to an online knitting store called LittleKnits and allowed myself to be sucked into buying $55.50 of yarn. It's not a ton of money. But it's still money that I didn't really NEED to spend. What did I buy? Oh, some very lovely stuff: a bag of 10 skeins of Skacel Adagio, which is a llama/silk blend DK weight yarn for $27.75 (I mean really, 28 bucks for all that yarn --- nice yarn --- is a steal) and three skeins of really nice, good-quality sock yarn in some gorgeous colors. Here's one of them. But this is all just sad rationalization. I don't need more sock yarn. I have a lot of it. Too much of it.

I seriously don't need ANY more yarn. Ever. I know this.

As I see it, my issue is two-fold. One, part of the problem is that I get an idea in my head or I see a pattern on Ravelry or somewhere on the Web and I say, "Ooh! I want to make this." So I go and find yarn that I like from some online store when really, I should go up to my yarn room and look there first. Chances are, I already have something suitable. It's just so fun to buy new yarn for a new project. And I probably wouldn't be agonizing so much if I always used what I bought, which brings me to number two: The biggest part of the issue is that 95% of the time, I don't make what I had set out to make with the yarn I purchased. No. It just sits there on my shelves. This is all kinds of wrong.

And I've only mentioned the knitting spending. :-(

With Todd's job being in an indefinite state (one of his bosses passed away about 2 months ago), and our bills being what they are, and our house needing maintenance and such, and the general state of the economy, etc., etc., it's supremely irresponsible of me to spend like I do.

If anyone has any recommendations for spending-reduction techniques that really work, I am all ears! I've tried cutting up credit cards, immediately throwing out all catalogs that come in the mail, I've even deleted my web browser off my computer at work. (This was not a good idea; you'd be surprised how much you need access to the Internet at work.)

I really do want to destash some yarn and some knitting books. But a) there just doesn't seem to be a good place to do it. Ebay is a pain and, as someone who buys from Ebay (and has sold things on Ebay), I know that people won't want to spend what the yarn is really worth. I'm not about to sell 100% cashmere for $5 a skein when it cost me $20. Etsy might be an option, but I'm not a spinner, so none of the yarn I want to sell was handmade by me, which is what Etsy is all about. I've sold a couple of things in the past on the Destash blog, but the market there is really small and there really isn't any buyer/seller protection in place. So where can I go? And b) I find it really difficult to devote the time to properly photograph and research the yarn/books I want to sell and load it up onto my computer and then the Web somewhere. I know I'm lazy; and that's another part of the problem with my destash endeavor having any real success. Again, anyone who has any good idea here, I'm totally open for suggestions!

I'm making myself nervous, anxious, and worried now. I can't write any more. Time for wine.

Orson photo

Ok I went with the second one only because it really was better quality. I will try to get another one soon. One that shows his icy blue eyes better!