Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Sally Melville Has Redeemed Herself!

I remember having a crochet doll that my grandmother made me when I was like 4 or so. It was my most favorite toy ever. It was as simply constructed as possible with a bright pink front and purple back, black hair, and buttons for eyes. It was soft (filled with old scraps of fabric from things like pillowcases and cotton tee shirts) and cuddly and I took it to bed with me every night. There just wasn't anything as charming and comforting as this out there when I was little. Think scary, dumb, plastic heads. Nowadays, I'm sure there are similar "soft" options that can be purchased. But nothing is quite as endearing as a hand-knitted toy.

So thank you, Sally Melville.  This totally makes up for that frustrating poncho pattern! 

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Elegant Scoop Neck Sweater

Elegant.  Right?  It does say elegant?

Because when I think "elegant," my mind immediately goes to droopy, deflated breasts encased in fine-gauge alpaca while standing against a tree in the OBVIOUS cold. Come on. 

Just because you have small breasts does not exempt you from wearing some undergarment if you plan on being photographed -- outside -- while specifically modelling a knitted close-fitting sweater.
The saddest set of all.

Also? You are about to be rounded up by the posture posse. But that's another story entirely. Also, also? That's not really a scoop neck. Almost. Not quite.  Good thing, too.  I mean, had this been an actual scoop neck, I have the feeling I'd be seeing a rather uncomfortable amount of knobby sternum....

I don't hate this sweater. I actually LIKE it. I'd consider knitting it. But it's almost $8 for the pattern and I'm a cheap jerk.  Plus, it's a fairly conventional design that I could probably figure out on my own anyway.

Anyway. Trust me, I hate wearing a bra.  HATE IT. And the fact that I'm a DD cup exacerbates the discomfort with or without a bra.  But I do it every day because it would be greatly disturbing to a great many living things if I did not. And being bra-less isn't exactly all that comfortable or practical either in my workplace setting. Do I even need to discuss appropriateness? Heck, I'm bra-less right now in a tank top.  But it's 9:10 pm and I'm sitting, alone, in front of my laptop at home.  How's that for a visual?

Yes, you are correct.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Illegal Use of a Cable: 15-Yard Penalty...

If knitting were a major sporting event, this garment should basically just forfeit.  I can't even begin to explain the multitude of eye-assaulting, taste-battering faults committed by this one knitting pattern.

Let me just sum up what I see:

Knit sideways in super bulky, reverse-stockinette (or garter), cropped, cowl-neck with a gigantic, poorly executed cable right across the bust, extending to the ends of the elbow-length sleeves.  The whole thing is just FOUL.  Maybe the color is passable?  It's bordering on teal, though.  And y'all know how strongly I feel about teal.


It hurts.

Like getting cleats in your face in a soccer match, socked in the jaw by a hockey puck, or slammed at the line of scrimmage by a truly "offensive" lineman.

Anyway, I stumbled on that crime against wool up there while searching for a knitting pattern for a winter pullover that featured an interesting use of a cable or cables.  There are several contenders, but I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight of the above, utterly dumbfounded.

Leaning towards one of these:

Saturday, June 06, 2015


Thursday, June 04, 2015

Of All The Things That I Need Right Now...

THESE are not among them:

Yes. That little, shimmery, golden-winged creature is a clothes moth. They are actually kind-of pretty and a bit adorable with their tiny, fuzzy heads and shiny, black eyes --- very non-threatening to behold. Non-threatening, unless, of course, you are like me: a knitter. A knitter with a WALL of yarn in which 70% of it is made up of some animal-based fiber (wool, alpaca, cashmere, silk, etc.). It's like a never-ending buffet of tasty moth delights!

To say I have an infestation would be an extreme exaggeration. I have seen 3-4 of these flying around the house over the last couple of weeks. I finally got the emotional strength to look in the closets last night and I found 3 of them living on that pink, fuzzy, angora nightmare (a beautiful nightmare, to be sure) of a cowl neck I knit a couple years ago, which I lovingly refer to as Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter.

And there were two of them just chillin' together on that felt hat (see previous post). No holes or damage to either item, mercifully. But where there is smoke, there is usually fire and I'm not taking any chances.

So I did a preliminary cleaning of just the surfaces in that room with Trader Joe's Cedarwood & Sage cleaner. I love this stuff. I use it to clean all over the house. I left a sponge soaked with it on top the the wall-o-yarn too. This weekend, I am going to begin the process of pulling everything out of that wall shelving unit (whimper) and checking it out for damage. 

First glancing over everything last night and it all looks perfectly intact. I actually reorganized this monster a few months ago. And everything was cool then. But, as I learned from the great internet, moths like to be in the dark and their larvae are what eat the fiber. So it's possible that there has been some serious snackin' going on where I can't see. RAGE. Deep breaths...deep breaths....

Then I will have to thoroughly wipe down all the cubbie holes.  I'm debating buying some large-ish clear, plastic bags to put the yarn in before committing it back into the wall unit. I find it more difficult to figure out what I have when they're all crammed in bags. And aesthetically it looks like crap. So I don't know. I have a few space bags, but Titus likes to chew on them. (Oh, Titus, WHY?) and I never had that much success with space bags anyway.  They don't ever deflate as much as they show on TV.  Not even half as much.

I don't know about you, but the scent of moth balls makes me gag, or think of that one great-great aunt that you had who you met when you were like four and she had a weird parrot and wore her apron backwards and ate potatoes raw...and then gag. But, I absolutely love the smell of cedar. So I plan on using that as a defense. Some people say cedar is fool-proof (right up my alley!) for getting rid of moths and others say that the moths point and laugh and continue swaddling their babies in your merino. Since I find the scent pleasant, I did order some cedar balls and cedar oil from Amazon. Those should arrive early next week.

So wish me luck as I try to nip these little beasties in the bud. I'll try to keep you posted.