Hideous Knitting 101 --- A Departure

Time for more hideous knitting, kids. This time, I will depart from the standard Hideous Knitting format and instead tackle not just one specific pattern, but a whole genre of knitting (and even crochet): the useless & pointless knitted object that also happens to be hideous. Now, I'm not talking about toys, or knitted animals (which can be used as toys), per se. These objects may very well be "useless" for most, but if you love animals or know someone who would just think a gift of a knitted cupcake is darling (I know I wouldn't mind receiving one), they do have a point and usually aren't hideous, either.

But what I'm talking about this:



Yup. That's what you think it is: knitted poop. In this case, dog poop. This certainly has no use that I can see, so I can't imagine what the point would be.

Because it's funny? Hmm...maybe. But it's not really THAT funny. And it's gross.

And what a terrible waste (haha "waste") of yarn.








How about some human poop?
Here you go! I find it equally amusing and disturbing that people on Ravelry have "favorited" both this pattern and the one above, which are also offered for free if you are interested. And if you are, don't tell me. Because I would have to come hurt you.

Like that she put in on a closed toilet lid for the full effect? Nice.






Here's some more, this time in crochet:
Ah, amigurumi. You know, I normally think amigurumi is as cute as the next person. But don't crochet up some poop and put eyes and a smiley face on it and call it amigurumi.

Poop isn't cute.

Someone should call up the CDC and ask them their opinion on the cuteness of poop.






Ok, ok, lighten up, right? Alright, how about THE ugliest shawl to ever be created by human hands?

I thought about using this all by itself for a Hideous Knitting post. But really, what can I say that would be any more effective at proclaiming its hideousness than just looking at it. A picture is worth 1000 words, right?

This one must be worth 10,000 words, at least, all of them bad.