Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A New Fashion Trend

Apparently the latest, hottest fashion trend is really poor posture.

Scoliosis! It's the new black!

To wit:

Honey, is the ugliness of your pants --nay-- entire ensemble wearing you down that much?

Note: you can buy the pattern to knit those "pants" for about $10. I'm not making that up.

Warning: Dating vampires causes Kyphosis.

Is it me or does she always look just a little bit morose? Not like "my family died in a fire" sad. But more like "I just failed 2 mid-term exams" sad. Hey, at least she managed to close her mouth in this picture.

And speaking of hunchbacks, it's the bride of Quasimodo! Her wedding vows: "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"

It hurts to look at her.

Also? The last time I saw someone wear stripes and paisley together was my 11th grade history teacher and he was insane...and smelled bad.

This eye-assaulting combo is from JCrew's spring/summer 2012 line. Seriously, the colors don't even coordinate at all.

Aww. She looks like she has searing abdominal cramps. Been hittin' the Ex-Lax a little too much, methinks, oh modelly one.

But on the other hand, nice fright wig!

Unlike a lot of women in America, I don't hate Jessica Biel. I think she looks more like a normal woman when compared to most anorexic, Hollywood stars.

However, I do hate this dress (mostly the "funeral-parlor" color) and the fact that she's standing like a mom who's been dragged around Sesame Place for 5 hours with a bunch of screaming kids.

Look kid, eat a sammich and go back to the 6th grade, m-kay? The school nurse is doing the scoliosis test today, and you really can't afford to miss that.

I don't know which Olsen this is, and I really don't care. If you have bigger lady humps on your back than your front, you have a problem. That, or you are somehow descended from a stegosaurus.

Morons, your bus is leaving. We made sure to put ergonomic seating in, just because you lot look like extras from The Walking Dead. Although the "person" on the far right looks like the girl from The Ring. Great, now I'm going to get a phone call and hear "seven days...."

I swear this has to be the most unattractive group of people I've seen since my...well...ever. Just ever.


Donna said...

LOL this was awesome. I especially love how Jessica Biel DOES look like a tired mother of five in Sesame Place.

WTF with that JCrew design? Seriously? Even Stevie Wonder knows that's a horrible color combination. And it's too bad Macho Man Randy Savage is dead; he could snap into that model like a Slim Jim.

Beth said...

Thanks for a great laugh!
What got me LOL was the "scoliosis test" fashion photo.

Susan Hamson said...


lorik said...

Why do they do it? Or why are they asked to do it? So unattractive and imagine what problems they will have when they are old.
Entertaining post though. Clever :)