A New Fashion Trend

Apparently the latest, hottest fashion trend is really poor posture.

Scoliosis! It's the new black!

To wit:



Honey, is the ugliness of your pants --nay-- entire ensemble wearing you down that much?

Note: you can buy the pattern to knit those "pants" for about $10. I'm not making that up.














Warning: Dating vampires causes Kyphosis.

Is it me or does she always look just a little bit morose? Not like "my family died in a fire" sad. But more like "I just failed 2 mid-term exams" sad. Hey, at least she managed to close her mouth in this picture.















And speaking of hunchbacks, it's the bride of Quasimodo! Her wedding vows: "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!"

















It hurts to look at her.

Also? The last time I saw someone wear stripes and paisley together was my 11th grade history teacher and he was insane...and smelled bad.

This eye-assaulting combo is from JCrew's spring/summer 2012 line. Seriously, the colors don't even coordinate at all.











Aww. She looks like she has searing abdominal cramps. Been hittin' the Ex-Lax a little too much, methinks, oh modelly one.

But on the other hand, nice fright wig!
















Unlike a lot of women in America, I don't hate Jessica Biel. I think she looks more like a normal woman when compared to most anorexic, Hollywood stars.

However, I do hate this dress (mostly the "funeral-parlor" color) and the fact that she's standing like a mom who's been dragged around Sesame Place for 5 hours with a bunch of screaming kids.













Look kid, eat a sammich and go back to the 6th grade, m-kay? The school nurse is doing the scoliosis test today, and you really can't afford to miss that.
















I don't know which Olsen this is, and I really don't care. If you have bigger lady humps on your back than your front, you have a problem. That, or you are somehow descended from a stegosaurus.

















Morons, your bus is leaving. We made sure to put ergonomic seating in, just because you lot look like extras from The Walking Dead. Although the "person" on the far right looks like the girl from The Ring. Great, now I'm going to get a phone call and hear "seven days...."

I swear this has to be the most unattractive group of people I've seen since my...well...ever. Just ever.

I Was Beginning to Think It Was Me...

Several months ago I posted about the ridiculousness of handmade (sewn, crochet, or knitted) sanitary items for women. A few people commented on my post (which, thanks for actually reading and commenting) in a way which suggested that they thought I was being too harsh or at least unrealistic about such items.

For example, here's one comment:

Dana said...

Cloth pads are more comfortable, better for the environment, less expensive over time and as easy to launder as any other piece of clothing. Women survived periods long before commercial disposable products. Just Saying.

Well here's a post on Regretsy about crochet tampons that really captures what my beef is with these items.

Also, just because we survived for thousands of years without commercially made menstrual items doesn't mean we should keep using them now. Sure, we all survived without penicillin, electricity, education, or the right to vote too....

Being Depressed and Anti-social Has Its Benefits

Such as being able to get a lot of knitting done!

I had the Bernat Natural Vest pattern in my queue for about 2 and 1/2 years. I originally found the pattern in the 2009 Pattern-A-Day calendar; but it is now available free from Bernat. I think you have to join/sign-in to be able to download the pattern. Anyway, I planned on making this for my sister. As soon as I saw it I knew it had "Helene" written all over it.

The pattern calls for Bernat Alpaca Natural Blends. I had/have a random ball of the yarn around and I can say that it not only feels NOTHING like alpaca (it's 70% acrylic, maybe that's why), but also that it's a pretty skimpy/sheddy skein of yarn for almost $6 a ball. I can't imagine knitting a garment in this, or at least anything other than a hat. So I poked around for a suitable bulky-weight alternative yarn and found KnitPicks Cadena. It, too, is about $6 a hank, but it's 70% WOOL and 30% alpaca for about the same yardage. So I bought 6 hanks of it in Caribou (sort of a light, milk-chocolate color) to make this vest...in 2009.

Riiiight.

Needless to say, "life is what happens when you make other plans," and I never got around to making this vest. It seems that my completion of three February Lady sweaters in as many months has boosted my confidence in being able to get medium-scale knitting projects done in a timely fashion. Whereas, a project like the friggin' Pinwheel Sweater, which is still languishing in a knitting bag in a corner, serves as mental and emotional punisher. Add my completely miserable existence over the last 6 months or so and voila! Knittin'-a-plenty. I started and finished a pair of socks, 2 bunny toys, a scarf, and a baby blanket within 4 weeks.

Groundhog Day arrived this year and I realized that I only had 4 WIP going: a pair of ordinary socks (which are now almost done), Socrates gloves (1 out of 2 done), lovely Talbot socks (houndstooth, 1 out of 2 done BUT, thinking of frogging and starting over due to a couple silly errors I made), and said friggin' Pinwheel Sweater. I know, I know; I should just finish the gorram thing. But even looking at it punches me in my soul.

I'm not sure why I remembered a vest pattern from 2009, but it crossed my mind that I could easily get it done in time for my sister's birthday (March 1). So I unearthed the Cadena yarn and started knitting. I finished the vest in 8 days. I changed up the pattern just a little by making it longer (pattern says 20"; I made it 22", and it blocked to 23"). And I also added a belt instead of making those little attached ties in the front. I think it looks WAY more chic this way:

And she can choose to wear it with or without the belt. With the ties, you're kinda stuck with them. I might make one for me at some point, but I don't know if vests are a good idea on my frame, such as it is currently. Maybe 50 pounds ago....

Another Thing That Rules

That this

Equals this

Things That Rule

Periodically, I'm going to post random things that are just totally awesome for one reason or another. First?

This statue of Ronnie Dio in Bulgaria:

\m/ \m/ indeed!