Thursday, August 23, 2012

The Owls Have Landed

And, thankfully, it wasn't as painful as I anticipated.

But, there is a Tale of Two Necklines to be told...



Ostensibly, I finished knitting this while I was on vacation in Vermont last week.  So this sweater really does take only about a week to knit. I tried it on and it fit.  It's positively squishy and cozy.  Hooray.

When I returned home, I actually wove in the ends and tweaked the seaming under the arms, then I started the Great Button Sewing Extravaganza of 2012 on the eyes.  Yeah, if I never sew another button onto anything for 50 years, it will still be too soon.  But, I think they look great.  I didn't block it because, well, it doesn't really need it.  So I tried it on again and noticed that while the sweater "fit," I felt that the neckline was, indeed, too wide.  Since I have narrow shoulders and stupid, big boobs, garments tend to pull off my shoulders very easily.  So this sweater was no exception.  I would have been fussing with my bra straps constantly whenever wearing this, which would compel me NOT to wear it at all.  And thus it would become a dreaded "waste-of-time knitting project."  I am trying to avoid those.  COUGH COUGH --- pinwheel sweater --- COUGH COUGH.  (I WILL finish that mother-humper, then burn it in effigy, I swear).

Since I didn't block it, I was able to tink back to just before the ribbing and reduce the neckline.  Here's what I did:
round 1:  reduce stitches by 4
round 2:  knit
round 3:  reduce by another 4
round 4:  knit 34, place marker, wrap and turn, purl back, wrap and turn, knit to end of round (adding a little more height to the back --- remember my boobs are evil dumbbell weights)
round 5:  knit
round 6:  begin 2 x 2 ribbing to end.

So you can probably see in the photos above that the neckline on the left is wider than the one on the right.  It looks so much better now and it is truly comfortable to wear --- on all levels --- as it should be (no self-consciousness about the bra straps). Seriously, this sweater looks 1000 times better ON than it does on the hanger.  Todd is a lousy photographer, so I never get any decent photos of me wearing anything.  Someday...someday....

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Math + Knitting = Pain

I recently finished a lovely summer sweater with flutter sleeves, called Summer Romance.  I plan on wearing it this week once I get my hands on some clear deodorant!  Here's the finished product:





I am very happy with how this turned out.  The yarn I used is elann's Luna, a DK-weight rayon/cotton blend.  It has beautiful drape and sheen, making this a very luxurious garment.  I barely had to block it at all---only at the top, to keep the curls on the neck and flutter sleeves reasonable (cotton curls like WHOA).  I was nervous when knitting this because the yarn had little give, and it was a wildly different fiber and weight than what the pattern recommended (a sport-weight alpaca).  Also the silky rayon fibers in the yarn split like nobody's business. Casting this on (and I did a tubular cast-on because apparently I am a masochist) nearly killed me.  But...it looks beautiful and fits like a dream.  I must say that I have been very lucky with knitting garments to size, even for other people.  But I have a feeling that my luck is about to run out.

Enter the owls sweater. I've had this pattern in my knitting queue for about 3 years now.  It used to be a free pattern, but due to severe copyright infringements, the designer is no longer offering it free (and I don't blame her after the shit she's had to deal with).  So I cast this on last night.  I'm using this lovely yarn that I got for a steal from Fabric.com called SMC Select Silk Wool.  I got it on clearance for $2.78 a ball, when this yarn normally retailed for about $10 a ball (still does at Jimmy Beans, Yarn Market, and Webs).  Maybe I'm setting myself up for failure at the get-go because this is not the recommended yarn for the pattern, which is Rowan Cocoon, or Rowan Purelife British Chunky.  Once I see the name "Rowan" attached to anything, I know it's too expensive for me.  But my yarn is bulky, as the pattern uses.  I should be ok.  Right?  Yeah.  It's not bulky.  The label says bulky, but the yarn --- though posh and lovely --- is pretty much worsted.  This explains the great yardage in a 50 gm ball (131 yards).  So I have to hold it doubled to get the bizarre pattern gauge, which is 13 stitches and 20 rows to 4 inches.  Believe it or not, I managed to actually get that gauge (yes, I actually knit a gauge swatch)...using 7mm needles, which don't exist in any of the US-made or US-distributed kits I own.  Swell.  I had a set of 7mm straight needles lying around from an epically failed attempt at some British pattern from the Simply Knitting mag called Damson Wine.  But no circulars.  Thank you, Denise Needles, for offering 7mm tips!  For $6.00, I now have a full complement of circular options.  This pattern is supposedly very fitted with negative ease.  I don't usually do negative ease, but versions of this pattern that I've seen that have positive ease look frumpy and lumpy.  Ok, I cast on the 40" size.  Here's me last night:  "Gah! This is too huge! I'm going to go down to the 38" size."  Cast on 38" size. "WTF, this is going to be too small."  Knit ribbing. "No...it looks fine. Wait. Do I have enough yarn?"  Goes to read pattern: "700 yards."  "Ok, I have @780 (using 1570 doubled), so I should be good."  Ribbing done, onto body. "Oh man, I don't know if I have enough yarn...and it still looks too big."  Knit 4 rounds.  "Jeez, now it looks too small."  Yeah.  So this pattern is going to be the death of me.  And I think the problems are largely with the pattern.

Here are the problems with this pattern:

1) the free version I have is about 3-4 tweaks away from the newest, $6.50 version. So the gauge, yardage, shaping, etc. are all a little...well...off, I'm afraid. For example, my version says that the 38" size uses 800 yards. But the pattern notes on Ravelry now say 700.  Mmm-k, which is it?

2) it's knit bottom up instead of top down.  Normally this wouldn't be an issue (I knit that Summer Romance bottom up).  But it's basically a raglan construction and it's really hard to tell how well it will fit when you start knitting it at the waistband. So I have to wait until I get to the owls part to tell if this thing is going to fit or not.

3) over 5500 people have knit some version of this sweater and committed their results to Ravelry. This is a good thing.  I don't think any one of them had the same experience as the other.  This is a bad thing. 

4) the most troubling thing is that nobody seems to be getting the right gauge with the recommended yarn on the recommended needle size.  So it's impossible to tell how much yarn I might actually need.  Another similar frustration is that many people just gave up on knitting this to gauge and just opted to knit something 2-3 sizes bigger (in as varied combinations of yarn, yardage, and needles as could be humanly possible) in order to get a garment that fits them.  This is not an option for me, as a) I could run out of yarn and b) the largest size on my pattern is 42".  The newer, not-free version has 2 sizes above that.  Sigh.

5) the neckline looks really weird on many sweaters.  I don't have the mental strength to look at 5500 projects, but the several hundred that I have looked at seem to have varying degrees of success with the neck.  Sometimes it looks perfect.  More often, it looks WAY too wide, almost like an off-the-shoulder neckline.  I can't do the Flashdance look; I need to wear a bra. So I'm concerned about this.  And there doesn't seem to be any mods or help with adjusting this, unless I knit it from the neck down.

6) this sweater generally does not look great on people with big boobs.  A few have done it and it looks good.  But again, they all seem to have veered wildly from the actual pattern to get it to look that way.

So I have a feeling that I'm going to be "winging" a lot on this sweater.  I toyed (and am still toying) with the idea of re-starting it, but from the neck down. A few people on Ravelry have posted that they adjusted the pattern to knit it this way.  Because for me, the biggest issue is the bust.  If it's too tight across the bust, then it doesn't matter if it fits everywhere else.  Ill-fitting sweaters are a no-no for me.  And knitting it top down will also give me a better idea about the yarn and if I'll have enough of it.  UGH, but that means doing math. I really don't want to have to do math to knit a sweater.

Hmm... decisions, decisions....

The bottom line is that I want to be able to look at a pattern, cast-on, knit it, and get a result that will fit; is that so much to ask?

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Fat-Bottomed Girls...

...you make the rockin' world go 'round!

Anyone who has been in my presence for 15 seconds knows that I love Queen.  Queen is one of my most favorite bands of all time, if not THE most favorite. 

I recently had the pleasure of seeing the Queen Extravaganza perform (in Oh-Little-Town-of Bethlehem, PA).  I cannot say enough about how incredibly good the show was.  The show was 3 hours long, with only a 20-minute intermission period.  The rest of the time was pure entertainment.  Unbelievable vocals from 5 different singers, with insanely good accompaniment on guitars, keyboards, drums, etc.  The feel of the show was definitely something any Queen fan could appreciate -- it was ALL about the music.  They performed songs that I don't even think Queen themselves did in concert very often, if at all: March of the Black Queen, and Lap of The Gods I and II.  If you can catch the show, I highly recommend it.  I screamed and sang myself hoarse.


My sister and I after screaming our lungs out for an hour and a half.
\m/ \m/










I own every Queen album on CD, which is not a great feat, by any means.  But seeing the Queen Extravaganza motivated me to revisit my Queen music library and reacquaint myself with their awesomeness. One of my favorites is Jazz. Jazz is the follow-up album to Queen's HUGELY successful News of the World, which produced a couple songs you might have heard of: We Will Rock You and We Are the Champions.  Jazz, though not as widely or wildly successful as its predecessor, has some fantastic songs on it (as the title of this post suggests), and other songs that did not make it to radio play but are no less great. Leavin' Home 'Aint Easy comes to mind.  Some will remember Don't Stop Me Now as the hilarious zombie-fighting theme song from the movie Shaun of the Dead, which hails from the Jazz album as well. 

Anyway, Jazz has one of the most interesting and artistic album covers I've ever seen.  And I think it's particularly unique when compared to their other covers or to the covers of their contemporaries in 1978.

Because of all of the above, I decided to design a scarf based on Queen's Jazz album.  It's a super long, funky, textural piece of modern art, if I may be so bold.  I enjoyed designing it and knitting it.  The pattern is available for free on Ravelry.  If you don't have Ravelry access and still want it, comment and give me your e-mail address and I'll send it to you. I'm too dumb and lazy to figure out how to make PDFs available from my blog. Heh.

Some photos:









Tuesday, July 10, 2012

More Things That Rule


This incredible crochet blanket was made by Tiffany Estela. 

Here is more of her awesomeness:


She is offering the patterns for both of the above on her blog.  If you click on the photos, it will take you right to the respective pattern pages on her blog. 

Also I have to mention that Tiffany is SELF TAUGHT.  Yeah.  She totally rules on toast [bowing profusely].

Thursday, May 31, 2012

More Crap I Don't Get

Maybe I should have put this in a "hideous knitting" post, but I just DO NOT understand why these...things are suddenly so ubiquitous:

The baby net/cocoon/pod/wrap

Aside from looking ridiculous, can this be really comfortable for a baby?  I realize that these items are used primarily for "photo ops."  No normal person would use one of these for any practical reason.  Ok.  But WHY use it at all?  I cringe every time I see a poor baby crammed into one of these damnable fishnets.  The one pictured above is probably one of the worst offenders I've seen because it uses extremely thin yarn made out of silk and mohair.  I'm a 40-year-old, time-hardened adult and the thought of being nude while enveloped in a stringy, mohair net is making my blood curdle. 

Personally I feel that anyone who uses these to take pictures of their newborns must have graduated from the Michael Jackson Baby Handling Institute.  More atrocities against babies:

That CANNOT be comfortable on this poor kid's thighs.  "We're new parents and it's Christmas, so here's the perfect photo of our baby in a hobo sling covered in fake snow!  You're welcome!"


Yeah, this looks totally safe.  "Hey!  Great idea! Let's hang our baby in a goofy, holey hammock from the tiniest, and most unstably thin branches of our dogwood tree that we can find."  I hear sirens in their future....


My stars and garters, this is one of the ugliest babies I've ever seen.  It doesn't help that his red, squealing, anguished face is trapped in a lime green grocery net.


Is it me or does this kid have the saddest look on his/her face?  I'd be sad too if I was hanging from a tree, nude, in a burlap net.  Isn't this type of torture against the Geneva Convention?  I'm pretty sure it is.


Newborn belly buttons make me die a little inside.  UGH.  Cover that shit up.  Also?  It's never too early to train your baby to be a contortionist.


"Help...me...."


 Just add wind and, voila!  Brain-damaged baby. 


Now THIS is something I would buy.  If only because it's hi-larious:

DO NOT FEED THE LOBSTER BABY