Monday, May 07, 2012

...And the Rage Continues

Alright, kids.  Time for a pop quiz!  Did you all watch Game of Thrones last night?  NO?  You read the books instead?  Ah, well.  Sucks to be you.  Prepare for a failing grade.

1) The title of this week's episode should be:
A-  Wait, Jaime is Dyslexic?
B-  Reading is fundamental, hunty.
C-  Lame
D-  Rated R for retarded
E-  All of the above

2) How many people are with Theon when he takes Winterfell?
A-  1000
B-  2000
C-  5000
D-  3
E-  7000

3) Number of naked boobs in tonight's episode:
A- 472
B- 3
C- Ros
D- None
E- Come on, there has to be at least ONE.

4) Famous line cut from story despite having 15 perfect opportunities to include it:
A- You know nothing, Jon Snow
B- Why did I cash the check?
C- I'm Sam and I like girls!!!
D- Slurp, slurp
E- None of the above

5) Arya named what infamous person from her list to Jacqen H'ghar and as a result that person dies:
A- Cersei
B- Joffrey
C- Polliver
D- Raff the Sweetling
E- Some random dude that nobody knows or cares about who isn't even really evil.

6) Theon gets it on with whom?
A- Ros
B- Yara
C- Maester Luwin
D- Osha
E- Hodor

7) Percentage of episode's deviation from the actual book's text:
A- 10
B- 50
C- 99.8
D- 25
E- None

Other annoyances:

Arya is cup bearer to Tywin, which is in itself stupid.  Ok but then Littlefinger comes to visit Tywin.  Arya is there pouring wine for both Littlefinger and Tywin.  It's a collision course to wackiness!!  Several times, Arya gets in Littlefinger's line of sight and he takes notice of her more than once or twice--- she even spills wine on him.  You mean to tell me that the most sharp, shrewd, conniving asshole in King's Landing doesn't recognize Arya Stark?  COME ON.

Rodrik Cassel returns to Winterfell with NO men, and is...beheaded by Theon?!?!?  Um...what?  Where's Ramsay Snow and his ARMY?? 

According to the TV show, there are only 2 children at Winterfell by this point: Bran & Rickon.
Where are Meera and Jojen Reed, and Big & Little Walder Frey? 

Osha uses sex to ensure her "freedom" from Winterfell.  O...k?  First of all, that whole scenario is fucked up on SO many levels. But riddle me this, Batman: Osha wakes up, Theon is still sleeping, nude [shudder], next to her --- totally unarmed. She creeps out and kills one of Theon's men (slits his throat after pretending to come-on to him; so utterly bizarre...) in order to get to Bran, Rickon, and Hodor to help them escape. Uh...Why in the name of Hodor's almighty wang didn't she JUST KILL THEON?!?!?!?  Hmmm?  HMMMM????  There was nobody else in the room but the two of them.  He was sleeping, nude (blargh), and didn't even notice that she woke up and left. Didn't even wake up after the ruckus of killing the dude outside.  GO BACK IN AND KILL HIM.  But, if she did that, well, then we'd have no exciting story of escaping from Winterfell and all that follows with one Theon Greyjoy.  Uh huh.  Here's an idea: How about you portray the story as it is actually written?  Then you wouldn't be creating MASSIVE plot holes, inconsistencies, and illogical actions. Welcome to retarded screenplay writing 101.  Any excuse to show full frontal nudity and this show snatches it, regardless of how ridiculous and illogical it is.

They increased The Hound's facial scarring to something finally bordering on hideous,'s still on the wrong side.

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