Let It Snow? No, Thank You.

So this is for Patty, my hostess, for our last SP9 contest:

Ah, snow. Fresh, white, crisp snow that crunches under your feet, silently piling up in front of your window like layers of sparkling blankets is the stuff that childhood memories and countless greeting cards are made of. Indeed, I doubt that there is anyone who doesn't like the look of newly fallen snow, especially on trees.

That said, let me tell you all the reasons why I, personally, dislike snow. Anyone that has ever lived in a large city in the winter will probably know what I am talking about. If you spent most of your winters sledding down hills and making snow angels on your front lawn, then just stop reading right here.

First of all, it's freakin' cold in Philadelphia. Yeah, yeah, I know. You Minnesotans are like "SHUT. UP." But I'm sorry. We have 100-degree heat in the summer and 10-degree cold in the winter. I think a 90-degree range in temperatures allows me to complain about the climate. And when it's really cold, no one wants to be outside shoveling out their Saturn or waiting for a bus so they can go to work.

Another reason I dislike snow is this: the beauty of pristine, white snow lasts all of about 3.65 seconds. After which time, we end up with a nasty, brown, murky, slushy, slippery mess. Also at this time we are treated to the sounds of several cars outside spinning their wheels trying to get out of parking spots. Not to mention having to listen to your front door being pounded on incessantly by neighborhood kids wanting $20 to shovel the 20'x12' piece of sidewalk in front of your row home.

Another? We get annoying snow. What am I talking about? I'm talking the three- to nine-inch snowfalls. Look, if it's going to snow, I want it to S. N. O. W. I want to not have to go to work for 2 or 3 days. I want to see at least 24 inches of the stuff. I want to not be able to open my front door. Oh yeah. We almost never get that. We get enough snow to really piss everyone off because kids still have to go to school and people still have to go to work, yet roads are terrible, buses are inordinately late, your car still needs to be cleaned off and dug out, and you still have to shovel the crap.

Know what I really hate? When it starts snowing when I am at work. OH MY DOG. I hate it when it's like 10:00 am and I look out the window and there's practically a blizzard out there. Then it's all like "Are we closing early, or not? Will I be able to park my car? Did they clear the side streets?" I don't even know why I put that question in there because I know the answer. They NEVER clear side streets. I know this because I've lived on one for over 5 years! (Hopefully, though not too much longer!)

I hate when snow soaks through my gloves/mittens. I hate when I am clearing my car off and I look down at myself and realize that the entire front of my coat and my legs are all COVERED in snow, which means that I will be wet in about 5 minutes once I get in the car. I hate wearing snowboots. I...

Ok, I am ranting now. Sorry.

That is all.