Thursday, May 31, 2012

More Crap I Don't Get

Maybe I should have put this in a "hideous knitting" post, but I just DO NOT understand why these...things are suddenly so ubiquitous:

The baby net/cocoon/pod/wrap

Aside from looking ridiculous, can this be really comfortable for a baby?  I realize that these items are used primarily for "photo ops."  No normal person would use one of these for any practical reason.  Ok.  But WHY use it at all?  I cringe every time I see a poor baby crammed into one of these damnable fishnets.  The one pictured above is probably one of the worst offenders I've seen because it uses extremely thin yarn made out of silk and mohair.  I'm a 40-year-old, time-hardened adult and the thought of being nude while enveloped in a stringy, mohair net is making my blood curdle. 

Personally I feel that anyone who uses these to take pictures of their newborns must have graduated from the Michael Jackson Baby Handling Institute.  More atrocities against babies:

That CANNOT be comfortable on this poor kid's thighs.  "We're new parents and it's Christmas, so here's the perfect photo of our baby in a hobo sling covered in fake snow!  You're welcome!"

Yeah, this looks totally safe.  "Hey!  Great idea! Let's hang our baby in a goofy, holey hammock from the tiniest, and most unstably thin branches of our dogwood tree that we can find."  I hear sirens in their future....

My stars and garters, this is one of the ugliest babies I've ever seen.  It doesn't help that his red, squealing, anguished face is trapped in a lime green grocery net.

Is it me or does this kid have the saddest look on his/her face?  I'd be sad too if I was hanging from a tree, nude, in a burlap net.  Isn't this type of torture against the Geneva Convention?  I'm pretty sure it is.

Newborn belly buttons make me die a little inside.  UGH.  Cover that shit up.  Also?  It's never too early to train your baby to be a contortionist.


 Just add wind and, voila!  Brain-damaged baby. 

Now THIS is something I would buy.  If only because it's hi-larious:


Tuesday, May 22, 2012

This Sums It Up, Perfectly

I saw this yesterday on the internet somewhere (reddit, I think).  This is me --- exactly --- all the time.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

The Hell...?

I seriously don't know what the hell I'm doing or what's going on anymore about anything.  For one thing, I turned 40 last week.  Turning 40 was a lot like getting smashed in the face with a brick, while a camel kicks you in your naughty bits.  In the past, I couldn't give a rat's ass about my age.  Imagine my surprise when January 1, 2012 rolled around and I started to feel such an oppressive dread of May 9, that I fell into a deep depression (from which I am not much recovered).  I felt like I had a date with the gallows, and there was nothing in my power to stop my impending demise. 

Add to this the general malaise and stress of my job (which got increasingly worse between March and May, resulting in a rather unfavorable employee review earlier this month that, naturally, plunged me deeper into despair), plus my husband's now 17-month-and-counting bout with unemployment and--- well, it's a recipe for disaster. I can't even begin to count the tears shed on my daily train commute to and from work.  A couple times, my sadness and hysteria were so pathetic that I would be sobbing uncontrollably while walking from the train station to my office, literally stumbling along half blinded by tears, trying to hide my splotchy-faced bawling all the way.  Anyone who took notice of me must have thought I was crazy...and they'd probably be right.  I have not had a "weeping walk" to work in the last 2 months, so I guess that's an improvement.

Compounding my feelings of hopelessness and doom was the death of Davy Jones in February.  Seriously.  His death hit me like Mack truck.  In my childhood, teens, and even young adulthood, I think that the nostalgia for the late 1960s (particularly in the 80s and early 90s) was ever present in fashion, music, television and movies. Hence, the resurgences in the popularity of The Monkees throughout the decades.  They were very much a part of my life.  I owned all their music and a collection of their TV show on VHS, then later on DVD.  I realize that, technically, Davy Jones was not of my generation, but in a way, a little bit of me died with him.

Today I learned that Donna Summer died at age 63 from breast cancer.  I am devastated, once again.  It seems like as soon as I start to climb back up the ladder of normal human existence, something always clobbers me over the head and sends me tumbling back down to the basement.  Why bother to even have hope anymore? All roads lead to the same destination in the end.

In order to prevent me from opening a vein, I've been concentrating on knitting.  I started and completed the Channel Sweater in the last couple months.  This is a nice pattern with a lot of room for personal modification.  I used Knit Picks Risata yarn (sadly, discontinued a few years ago) in the regrettably-titled "Marionberry" colorway.  I have not tried it on since blocking it, but it fit just fine beforehand, so I'm not worried.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to wear it until like November.  Sigh.

I made a Wingspan scarf in the course of a week.  Cool pattern that uses just one 100gm ball of sock yarn (somewhere in the 420-450 yard range).  I used Mary Maxim's Step It Up yarn in the Tie Dyed colorway.  The intensity of the colors is really amazing. The yarn itself was fine, but not great.  I found two knotted joins towards the end of my project.  It was really annoying.  But the end result was good.

Last night I finished up a knitted Shower Puff.  Easy pattern, except for the sewing instructions at the end, which made no kind of sense to my addled brain at all.  I totally improvised, but I think it looks pretty good.  I just need to make a proper hanging mechanism, either crochet chain or i-cord.  I used Lily Sugar 'n Cream Scrubby yarn in green and yellow.  This yarn is only available in Michael's stores at present.  I tried to get it online because when I first saw it in the store, it was $3.99 a ball (only 68 yards, people --- RAGE). But, I couldn't find it anywhere online.  I went back to Michael's last week for something unrelated and noticed this yarn was 50% off.  So I bought a bunch of balls.  The yarn is all cotton and is a neat idea, but it's a little odd to work with.  And they really need to improve the yardage at that price if they are going to market it everywhere eventually.

 Dear, blogger:

I just now noticed after uploading 4 photos that you are FINALLY inserting the photos into the post where I want them, instead of dumping them at the top and making me drag them down through the post.


Monday, May 07, 2012

...And the Rage Continues

Alright, kids.  Time for a pop quiz!  Did you all watch Game of Thrones last night?  NO?  You read the books instead?  Ah, well.  Sucks to be you.  Prepare for a failing grade.

1) The title of this week's episode should be:
A-  Wait, Jaime is Dyslexic?
B-  Reading is fundamental, hunty.
C-  Lame
D-  Rated R for retarded
E-  All of the above

2) How many people are with Theon when he takes Winterfell?
A-  1000
B-  2000
C-  5000
D-  3
E-  7000

3) Number of naked boobs in tonight's episode:
A- 472
B- 3
C- Ros
D- None
E- Come on, there has to be at least ONE.

4) Famous line cut from story despite having 15 perfect opportunities to include it:
A- You know nothing, Jon Snow
B- Why did I cash the check?
C- I'm Sam and I like girls!!!
D- Slurp, slurp
E- None of the above

5) Arya named what infamous person from her list to Jacqen H'ghar and as a result that person dies:
A- Cersei
B- Joffrey
C- Polliver
D- Raff the Sweetling
E- Some random dude that nobody knows or cares about who isn't even really evil.

6) Theon gets it on with whom?
A- Ros
B- Yara
C- Maester Luwin
D- Osha
E- Hodor

7) Percentage of episode's deviation from the actual book's text:
A- 10
B- 50
C- 99.8
D- 25
E- None

Other annoyances:

Arya is cup bearer to Tywin, which is in itself stupid.  Ok but then Littlefinger comes to visit Tywin.  Arya is there pouring wine for both Littlefinger and Tywin.  It's a collision course to wackiness!!  Several times, Arya gets in Littlefinger's line of sight and he takes notice of her more than once or twice--- she even spills wine on him.  You mean to tell me that the most sharp, shrewd, conniving asshole in King's Landing doesn't recognize Arya Stark?  COME ON.

Rodrik Cassel returns to Winterfell with NO men, and is...beheaded by Theon?!?!?  Um...what?  Where's Ramsay Snow and his ARMY?? 

According to the TV show, there are only 2 children at Winterfell by this point: Bran & Rickon.
Where are Meera and Jojen Reed, and Big & Little Walder Frey? 

Osha uses sex to ensure her "freedom" from Winterfell.  O...k?  First of all, that whole scenario is fucked up on SO many levels. But riddle me this, Batman: Osha wakes up, Theon is still sleeping, nude [shudder], next to her --- totally unarmed. She creeps out and kills one of Theon's men (slits his throat after pretending to come-on to him; so utterly bizarre...) in order to get to Bran, Rickon, and Hodor to help them escape. Uh...Why in the name of Hodor's almighty wang didn't she JUST KILL THEON?!?!?!?  Hmmm?  HMMMM????  There was nobody else in the room but the two of them.  He was sleeping, nude (blargh), and didn't even notice that she woke up and left. Didn't even wake up after the ruckus of killing the dude outside.  GO BACK IN AND KILL HIM.  But, if she did that, well, then we'd have no exciting story of escaping from Winterfell and all that follows with one Theon Greyjoy.  Uh huh.  Here's an idea: How about you portray the story as it is actually written?  Then you wouldn't be creating MASSIVE plot holes, inconsistencies, and illogical actions. Welcome to retarded screenplay writing 101.  Any excuse to show full frontal nudity and this show snatches it, regardless of how ridiculous and illogical it is.

They increased The Hound's facial scarring to something finally bordering on hideous,'s still on the wrong side.