Sally Melville Has Redeemed Herself!

I remember having a crochet doll that my grandmother made me when I was like 4 or so. It was my most favorite toy ever. It was as simply constructed as possible with a bright pink front and purple back, black hair, and buttons for eyes. It was soft (filled with old scraps of fabric from things like pillowcases and cotton tee shirts) and cuddly and I took it to bed with me every night. There just wasn't anything as charming and comforting as this out there when I was little. Think scary, dumb, plastic heads. Nowadays, I'm sure there are similar "soft" options that can be purchased. But nothing is quite as endearing as a hand-knitted toy.

http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/basic-doll-7

So thank you, Sally Melville.  This totally makes up for that frustrating poncho pattern! 

Ok, Now HERE'S a Game For You...

Keeping in line with the absurdity of the Star Wars Transformers (see previous post), which I think we can all agree are the dumbest, ugliest-looking, stupidest toys ever committed to plastic, I have created the PERFECT new game for today's audiences. It combines both a classic, early-1980s game and a modern phenomenon! I am such a genius! Behold:

Simon!


Hey, kids! It's the old-fangled game your parents played before video games but with a cool new twist! How's it work? Well, the 4 colored buttons randomly flash and speak 4 different Simon Cowell observations! Your job is to remember the order in which they occurred and repeat it by pushing the correct- colored buttons! But be careful! Each round adds a new color and comment! Can you keep up with Simon's snarky comments? It's fun for the whole family!


Real, disdainful Simon comments from everyone's favorite show, American Idol :
"Simply awful"
"I've heard better from dying loons"
"Abysmal, at best"
"A kick in the batch would be less painful"

The Stupidest Toys I've Ever Seen

Are these:



































I mean...COME ON...Star Wars Transformers?

First of all, the packaging looks like something George Lucas created while having a seizure and dropping acid, simultaneously. My rods and cones are begging for mercy.

Second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth of all: THEY ARE FUGLY. Not to mention that combining two franchises like this --- ones with entirely disparate worlds, origins, and story mythos --- is absolutely retarded and downright insulting to us folks who grew up loving these stories, independently. George Lucas is a freakin' bajillionaire. I can't believe he'd stoop down to this to make more money. Well, actually, I DO believe it, but it's still disturbing.

Maybe it's his goiter egging him on or something: "Psst...PSSSST! Hey, George! It's me...your goiter. Listen, I have a R0XX0R idea: how about we combine your classic Star Wars characters with the Transformers and and release it in the market as some kind of eye-assaulting, fever-inducing toy? Kids will LOVE it! And we can totally capitalize on the money that the new Transformers resurgence will undoubtedly bring now that their lame-ass movie is coming out. What's that? NO? Oh, come on! I gave you that Jar Jar idea and look how well that turned out! Ok, I have to hurt you now; assume the torture position...."

If I were a kid and found these under the tree, I'd so totally make my parents go into the cornfield....