Hideous Knitting 101

Finally! Another installment of Hideous Knitting 101.

Yoga. You are one with your body. Mind, spirit, and flesh all in perfect unison, perfect harmony. The epitome of sublime tranquility and focus, you move yourself effortlessly from a peacock pose to a firefly, finally ending with the impossible savisana...

Then the EMT wakes you. You never actually made it onto the yoga mat. You realize you passed out from heat stroke because you ran down a flight of stairs wearing these:




Yes that's right. Knitted yoga pants. Knitted in...WOOL. Unless you intend on doing yoga on a glacier in Greenland, these pants have to be the most impractical (and ugly) garment I've seen since the Boyle Apron.

Darn it all! The patten is only written in Danish! But I actually have a WAY easier idea of how to get pretty much the same effect:









1) Go to a thrift store --- or your mom's or your grandmom's or maybe even your own closet, if money is really tight.

2) Buy/find an old wool coat that nobody wants to wear anymore. Make sure it's 100% wool. Maybe one of those "swing" coats that were popular about 15 years ago. Aside: Dear 1996, women really loved looking 8-months pregnant or like Pavarotti when out-of-doors in the winter. NOT.

3) Put your legs in the sleeves of the coat. Pull it up just enough so that you have about 18 inches of loose, billowy crotch space. Button or zip the coat, if you can.

4) To secure around your waist, tie a 100% wool scarf (preferably one double-knit with a Celtic motif) from front to back.

VOILA! What? Come on. Same difference.


Hideous Knitting 101 report card:

Style: F Ok I realize that "style" in its purest sense is probably the last thing anyone should worry about when doing yoga. But comfort should be right at the top! There is no way this giant, wool diaper with legs is conducive to the elevation of mind, body, and spirit through yoga.
And actually, to return to my initial assessment, it IS really frackin' ugly.

Fit: F Kinda hard to determine actual body fit here. I think it does tie around the waist in the back. Again, these are MC Hammer pants in wool. OK? Think about sweating with these on.

Color(s): C Meh, navy blue and gold. Ok.

Yarn: D While I am a HUGE fan of natural fibers, particularly merino or washable wool, it just does not make sense to me to knit anything that goes around your crotch area in wool. Granted, there is SO much extra fabric that it's probably not glued to your naughty bits like underwear, but still. To me this is a waste of wool. It's DK weight wool (NOT merino, definitely a highland wool) and there are 295 yards per hank. A web search and a translation from German to English showed me that it goes for 7.5 euros a hank, which is about 10.25. Pretty good for nearly 300 yards of DK wool. But still, to make these sheepy jodhpurs, you need about 950 yards, so 4 hanks. I'd like to reiterate that I have NO problem with the yarn itself; if it were used for a lovely vest or cardigan I'd grade it an A.

Execution: C? It's pretty hard to tell if this was knit according to pattern specification or not. I mean, it's got a whole lot goin' on. Double knitting, ribbing, pockets, what looks like modular brioche stitch at the cuffs, short row shaping, etc., etc. It's just so...odd...and...well, I can't...I don't even know. Here's another picture. You tell me.

The Fastest Sweater Ever

Well, I am happy to report that I completed the February Lady sweater on Monday 8/22, which means I started and finished a sweater in three weeks. I cannot believe I knit an adult-sized sweater in 3 weeks. I am very happy with the results. So much so, that I think I am going to frog the Komon kimono that I started like 76 years ago (ok, 4 --- close enough) for my mom and make one of the February Lady sweaters for her as well.


I have yet to take a halfway flattering photo of myself wearing this sweater. I so wish I was more photogenic. But anyway, I must say it fits me fabulously --- like it was made on me. And you know what? It sort-of was! Love the top-down construction because it lets you try it on as often as you want!

Various and Sundry

Ok, I don't know why, but I kinda LOVE this.

http://stitchmana.com/pattern/spoilt-for-choice/

It's a free pattern called Spoilt for Choice. The designer's little story about how this garment came into being is quite amusing. There are about 15 ways to wear this thing. I just think it's super chic and unique. I might make one for Amy, my friend and colleague here at work who is super fun and funky and appreciates artistic quirkiness. Then I really want to make one for me. Although, I don't know if a very busty chick, like me, could pull this off.









Other things:

The scarf for my boss is done. But he's been all weird lately. My friend Amy (same one I mentioned above) and I tried to take him to lunch at the end of July (for which event I furiously knit away to complete that scarf). And he made some weird, cryptic remark (what a surprise) about how "no lunches will be had until September." What. Ever. Here's the scarf:


















Back at the end of April, my mom and sister got together and ordered a set of "Darn Pretty" Dyakcraft needles for me as a birthday present. Well, given that they were inundated with orders (because their needles are amazing), the folks at Dyakcraft could not manage to get them out to me until around 8-9 weeks later. But I did receive them around July 4, and the needles are pretty freakin' sweet. Pictures to follow.

I got the 3.5" set (sizes 4-10) in Hazelnut wood. The set also came with 4 stoppers and a beautiful, hand-sewn needle case in a brick red color with a chocolate brown grosgrain ribbon closure. Really pretty. I ordered the shorter length cables. Super smooth wood, but not lacquered. So there is no threat of something rubbing or flaking off. Joins for the cables are quite good, as are the cables themselves --- not too thick (like Denise) or thin as fishing lure (like Hiya Hiya). I think they are the right combination of flexible and thin. I will definitely order more cables for my needles. I am also very tempted to order a set of 5" needles. Maybe for Christmas or next year for my 40th birthday (GAH).

Now I see that they have sets of sock-sized DPNs for $40. You get FIVE sets of needles (US 0, 1, 1.5, 2, and 3). That's a REALLY good price for 5 sets of hand-turned needles. I hate being broke. LOL

Anyway here are some pics of the 3.5" Hazlenut set:


































I apologize for the quality of the photos. They looked better on the iPhone.











I am so pleased with the depth and variation of color in this set.













Anyway, I really like these needles a lot! And if you are in the market for a set of quality, interchangeable, wood needles, then these are definitely worth the $140 price tag.


Let's see what else? Oh, the Helix scarf. Done. Here's a picture:



















I also started knitting a February Lady sweater. I know several people who have knit this sweater. And there are over 11000 (yes eleven THOUSAND) knitters who have the February Lady sweater among their projects. I've been tossing around the idea of knitting this sweater for a couple years. I just wasn't sure how good the style would look on me. But, wanting to finally knit a sweater for ME, I decided to just go for it.

I'm using Valley Yarns Colrain. Very lovely, soft merino/tencel blend. The color I chose is called "Gray Teal." This is the most absurd color name for this yarn because it's neither gray NOR teal (which I hate, as you know), or even remotely close to one of those colors. It's more of a Nile green or even a jungle green. I mean seriously, just look at the swatch color. Gray Teal? Nope. Anyway, the label calls it heavy worsted, but it's really regular to light worsted. I'm knitting on size 8, which it what the pattern calls for and I seem to be getting gauge with no problem, albeit, the gull lace pattern seems pretty lacy already and I haven't finished yet (so no blocking yet).

Here's a picture:


Coming along nicely, I think! I'm knitting the 41" size. I tried it on (ah the beauty of top-down raglan construction) and it seems to be fitting pretty well. A little closer around the bust than I maybe like. But again, this is pre-blocked and it's still on the needles, which makes the measurements a little smaller.








I also got the MOST gorgeous buttons for this from etsy. Check THESE out:




The seller is LiDDesignsSupplies in Hoboken, NJ. All her buttons are super nice and unique.








Speaking of etsy, I've encountered some really nice sellers on there (and some freakin' idiots). One super nice person in particular is Rose over at Cakewalk Yarns. I saw this yarn on there the other day and flipped over sideways. HAD to have it:

It's 463 yards of sock yarn and the colorway was called Hero Squad. It got it's name from an episode of Arrested Development, which I thought was just too hilarious.
Here's her description:

Color: HERO SQUAD
Another yarn inspired by my favorite (albeit canceled) TV show, Arrested Development. Buster got distracted by the claw machine game in the bus station & missed his bus to the Army base. Forgetting all about boot camp, he arrived home with an armful of stuffed animal prizes. Buster (suddenly realizing his mistake) explained to the family that these were awards & that the army had assigned him to Hero Squad…mistaking the children’s cartoon for an actual military program. This yarn is inspired by the Buster’s imagination – it is a very bright green, speckled with many, many colors.

It was $21 for the skein plus $2 to ship. Not bad, especially since it's hand-dyed and on etsy (which tends to be uber expensive for sock yarn). So later that day I saw a convo from Rose. She said she re-skeined the yarn so that it didn't look exactly like the picture. But that if I was a yarn "collector" (oh how she knows us knitters!) she'd send me a re-re-skeined one. So I told her that I'd love to have one that looked like the picture, if only to admire (and show off!) for a little while before using it. This just HAS to be knit into something. But here are the rest of our convos:

Rose: Ok-I sent it off this afternoon before I got your note so I will get another one out to you in the morning. Not a problem! --Rose

Me: OH that's ok! Don't worry about it! Since you've already mailed it!
Gina

Rose: I insist! I should have asked you beforehand, I was just in a hurry to get to the post office before they close. You keep both, please. I think you are going to love Hero Squad & that way you can knit someone a gift.
Thanks very much—Rose

Me: Oh my gosh! That is so nice of you!!! Thank you so very much!
Gina

So now I am getting TWO skeins of this incredible yarn. I can't believe how generous and thoughtful some people are. Thank you, Rose from Cakewalk Yarns, for resorting my faith in humanity just a teeny bit!

Too Funny

Actual text conversation with my sister's boyfriend, Myles:

Me: Ok Rifftrax: Twilight? Avatar? Wrath of Khan? Crystal Skull? Last Airbender? We need to know so we can have Netflix send us the DVD by Saturday.

Myles: Crystal Skull, def. Wrath of Obama is an option????

Me: LOL! Most def! We actually own Wrath of Obama! So we can do that one too!

Myles: ...Holy...My phone changed Khan to Obama.

Me: LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yup, gotta love auto-correct!

Se7en

DON'T HIT ME [ducking for cover]:






But, for reals? Just look at that face.

This is Toothless. As you may have guessed, he's named after the dragon from the How to Train Your Dragon film.

He's as sweet as could be, a little shy, and one of the most lovable animals I've ever encountered.







Ok, so how did we end up with this cat? Well we started noticing him in November or so of 2010. He would often show up around feeding time when we were still feeding Moonie outside. They would eat from the same bowl without conflict. But he was so shy and unsure of us (worse than Moonie, if anyone could believe it), that he was literally like a shadow of a cat. He would hide somewhere until we closed the door and then he'd come out to eat. Open the door, and poof, he would dart away into the night. We started calling him Toothless because of both his look and behavior!

After we brought Moonie into our house, he started coming more frequently, often twice a day. Every few weeks I noticed that he was letting us get closer to him. One day in April or so, he actually let me pet him on the head. From that point on, the improvement in his trust in us was increasing much more rapidly. We considered bringing him in. But since Moonie was still not used to us or her surroundings, and we had reached our usual capacity of 6, AND we knew that he was not neutered yet (expense and spraying inside were big concerns) we decided that maybe we'd wait. Things were great and we were happy to feed him outside, as he basically appeared to be pretty much living on our property quite happily, safely, and comfortably. Until...

Mulder. Yes, Mulder as in Fox Mulder. In May I noticed this orange and white tabby just sitting on our lawn. An attractive cat, he had very large ears, a long body and a slightly bushier tail than most cats (especially since he's a short-hair). Very fox-like. So I just stared calling him Fox Mulder one day and it sort-of stuck. I took a picture from the window:













Well...Mulder and Toothless did NOT get along. In fact, Mulder is quite the bully. We noticed one day that Toothless had a cut on his head and another time a bite near where his ear meets his head. Whenever Mulder was around, Toothless was absent. If Mulder showed up when Toothless was there, then Toothless would run away as if the devil himself were chasing him. It was obvious that Mulder was claiming our house as his territory. Toothless started coming less frequently, and almost always in the dark. In fact at one point, we hadn't seen him in about 4-5 days. I feared the worst. But because Toothless had built up a trust with us, he actually responded to hearing his name! He would come from seemingly out of nowhere after hearing me call him. We decided that we had to bring him in. He would not survive long with Mulder around, plus the heat of the summer.

So Todd scooped him up in early July and we made a comfortable, private space for him in my knitting room. We were worried that the scars from Mulder would result in Feline HIV or leukemia or something, but after a vet visit, I am happy to report that he's completely healthy. Toothless is only about 15-16 months old. He weighs around 10 pounds. We have his neutering scheduled for July 27. The vet also told us that he's a very timid cat. Her exact words were: "He's not very brave." He's not the type to fight or spray (he has never sprayed at all, which was a miracle). She said that when confronted, he will run away or hide. :-( My poor, little Toothless.

He's still getting used to the house and his siblings. Luna is behaving most deplorably, if I do say so. I think she's a little jealous. I am most concerned about her being evil towards him. My other concern, albeit much less, is Hercules. Herc has always been rough. He's also frickin' HUGE now. I think he's got to be 20 pounds. He could really put some hurt on a cat as shy and small as Toothless. But Herc's not evil, just big and rambunctious.

So, there you have it. And UGH, I just realized that I now have to change my header AGAIN!