Saturday, August 18, 2007

The Waters Lexicon



I never fully realized how much I've learned since being with Todd until recently. And I'm not talking about learning in the "growing as a person" sense, either. I mean I pretty much have had to learn another damn language, or at least a whole new lexicon of phrases unique to Southerners, or maybe just to Watersesesses. Here are some of the phrases that I have now grown accustomed to saying or at least hearing and understanding on a regular basis.





First of all:

THE BIG THREE:

Roll up.

Lay up.

Fall out.

1. Roll up. Quite possibly the most common phrase uttered in my household. It has several definitions.
a. (n.) an event or occurrence usually involving indulging or over-indulging in some form of pleasure. After the kind of day I've had, I think I need to do a roll up at McDonald's.
b. (v.) the act of indulging or over-indulging in some form of pleasure. At my step-brother's wedding, I am SO going to roll up at the open bar. Past tense: Man, you should have seen all these old people rolled up at the Cracker Barrel.
Also used as an exclamation of encouragement or approval. Consider the following mini-conversation:
Gina: Hmmm, I've already hit the buffet 3 times, should I go back for more...oh wow, look, now they put out pie---PECAN PIE!
Todd: ROLL UP!

2. Lay up. Not as commonly used.
(v.) the act of relaxing, laying down, or pretty much not doing much of anything. I can't wait until I can just lay up by the pool. Past tense: I could have used your help carrying this heavy box while you were laid up in front of the television.
Is sometimes used interchangeably with roll up, especially if the indulgence is some form of relaxation: You would not believe all the people laid up/rolled up on that cruise ship.

3. Fall out. The second most commonly-used phrase in my household.
(n.) a nap or period of rest and re-cooperation. When I get home from work, I need to have a little fall out.
(v.1) the act of napping, sleeping, resting, passing-out as a result of being tired beyond all human reason. I can't take one more step, I am totally ready to fall out from exhaustion. Past tense: I did so much housework today that afterwards I just totally fell out for like 4 hours.
(v.2) to die, usually only in past tense. Again, consider the following mini conversation:
Todd: Guess what?
Me: What?
Todd: Jack Palance fell out.
Me: Oh no! Really? Was he sick or something? Well, he was like eleventy.


Todd and I have been known to accomplish all three of these in succession. You roll up, you lay up, and then you fall out. It's the new hedonism!

4. caught short. I have never found myself using this one, but Todd does regularly.
(n.) state of being in which one has a rather urgent need to use the bathroom (for..ahem... number 2), but for whatever reason, cannot. I can't sit through a 3-hour movie because I don't want to be caught short.

5. crack of ass. I've totally adopted this phrase as my own.
(n.) a very early time of day; dawn. Why did I make that appointment for 8:00am? This means I have to get up at the crack of ass in order to be there on time.

6. cut on. Only Todd.
(v.) to activate or turn on. Can you cut on the radio for me?

7. East Jesus. Where I come from, this was called "23rd and Jalopy" or "Jalopyville."
(n.) Someplace far away or hard to get to. God, why do we have to drive all the way to East Jesus to get to the DMV?

8. go around your ass to get to your elbow. I lately find myself saying this too. I grew up with "Go by way of Nelly's Barn"
(ph.) Process of making an easy task much more difficult. Because of the traffic jam on I-95, I had to go around my ass to get to my elbow.

9. mother pussmuffins. A term Todd derived from a movie he saw, but which one, I have no idea.
(n.) A replacement for the other explicative that begins with "mother." You know the one....

10. take a heater. Yeah, it's as bad as you think.
(v.) To make a bowel movement. Whoa, I ate way too much KFC...I need to go take a heater.


7 comments:

Beth said...

oh, yea - now that's a classic post. In my mind, I will forever associate the top 3 with Vermont.

the nicole kline experience said...

dude, i was waiting for some sappy post, and i nearly choked on shitty raspberry coffee reading this. what about the other definition of roll up? the carnal one? i has disappointment that you has forget that.

Gina said...

LOL! The "carnal one" is implied in the definition by the word pleasure. ...

Anonymous said...

I LOVE MY NORTHERN, ITALIAN WIFE :)

Marsha said...

Gina, you need to provide a COMPLETE explication of "roll up." Failure to do so is a grave disservice to your readers, who will then remain ignorant of the richness of the Waters lexicon.

Tammy said...

OMG - SO FLIPPING FUNNY! Thanks for the laugh! I'll be sure to use a few in the future.

duraknit said...

Gina, in my 10 years with a northern Vermonter, I never adjusted to his mother telling him to "be sure to wear your frock" if it was chilly out. . .

--Elizabeth