Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Can I Get an Amen?

For those of you who have g-mail accounts, have you ever noticed when you empty your spam folder that Google gives you recipes that include actual Spam (the canned "meat" product) in a clickable link on the top left of the window?

You know what I'm talking about, right?

Are these recipes anything less than the most disgusting concoctions that human-kind could ever come up with? I mean seriously, folks:

Spam Breakfast Burritos (Ok not too bad, I guess.) Potentially offensive to Mexico.

Spam Quiche (Just use real ham, people. Geez.) Offensive to France.

Spam Fajitas (No, thank you) Again, offensive to Mexico.

Spam Primavera (Primavera is Italian for "spring," or "the first green," not repulsive canned meat) Offensive to Italy.

Spicy Spam Kebobs (A thousand times, NO. Ewww) Offensive to India.

Spam Vegetable Streudel (WHAT? I couldn't even bring myself to look at the ingredients.) Offensive to Germany.

Ginger Spam Salad (Ginger...and Spam...together. What is wrong with you people?) Offensive to Southeast Asia.

Vineyard Spam Salad (This sounds particularly wretched to me. Spam, mayo, and grapes are 3 of the ingredients. RETCH.) Offensive to ALL LIVING THINGS.

And now what I think sounds like the MOST unappetizing, stomach-turning, multi-nationally offensive pile of crap:

Spam Imperial Tortilla Sandwiches. Ok people, let's break this down, just on the title alone.

1) Spam: Repulsive, gelatinous, 95% fat "meat" product. "Part of our chemical heritage," as we used to say at a place I once worked. I actually went to the Spam website and there is NO information available on the nutritional label. Gee, I wonder why...?
2) Imperial: So what is it, Chinese now?
3) Tortilla: Oh, so it's Chinese AND Mexican. Got it. Wait...what?
4) Sandwiches: I don't know of any Chinese or Mexican "sandwiches." And do you use the tortillas to make the sandwiches? If so, then it becomes a burrito, or a roll-up, or a wrap. Certainly not a sandwich.

So in just a few recipes, Google managed to offend the cuisines of at least 7 different nations. Way to go!

1 comment:

Katie J said...

I liked your post but unfortunately you forgot to include any of the recipes for these mouth-watering dishes. You lost me on this one.

Oh wait. I hate Spam. Amen!

(Um, when I think of Spam in a salad it makes me want to gesxqo.)